just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
