dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
