Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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