I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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