You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
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