Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
