I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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