I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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