last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
