yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
