I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
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