I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
