maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
