I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
