I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We are two peas in an std pod
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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