guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
