paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
