She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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