3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
