I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
