dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
