is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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