is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
