when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
They have beer where we have blood.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
