Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
