Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize
