matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize