last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize