I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize