the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
