I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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