I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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