I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
