im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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