Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
