I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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