dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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