im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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