god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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