plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
