I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
