We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
