This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
