When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
