My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
