youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
