Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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