At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Hippo gnu deer
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
