My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize