I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
