Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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