Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
They are going to name an STD after you.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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