i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
