Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
