The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
