He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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