i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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