Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
