He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
