ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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