my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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