We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize