Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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