Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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