Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
