I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize