her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Boobs are out for the taking
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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