So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
