dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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