new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
