I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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