I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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